the first few moments:
be present
There is a strong sense of urgency in the immediate moments after a death. Adrenaline, shock, grief, and fear will all play a part in exacerbating the feeling that something needs to happen right away.
Slow down, be present, and allow there to be silence.
Take a deep breath.
the first few hours:
identify the person who is the legal representative or executor
If you are using a funeral home “who is the Legal Representative or Executor?” will be among the first questions they ask. The reason is simple, funeral homes can be liable if they take custody of remains without permission from the correct person. There can sometimes be delays to service if it is not clear who is the legal representative.
The order of priority for who may be considered the legal representative, as per the Cremation, Interment and Funeral Services Act:
1. the personal representative named in the will of the deceased;
2. the spouse of the deceased;
3. an adult child of the deceased;
4. an adult grandchild of the deceased;
5. if the deceased was a minor, a person who was a guardian who had care and control of the deceased at the date of death;
6. a parent of the deceased;
7. an adult sibling of the deceased;
8. an adult nephew or niece of the deceased;
9. an adult next of kin of the deceased, determined on the basis provided by section 23 (5) of the Wills, Estates and Succession Act;
10. the minister under the Employment and Assistance Act, or if the Public Guardian and Trustee is administering the estate of the deceased under the Wills, Estates and Succession Act, the Public Guardian and Trustee;
11. an adult person having a personal or kinship relationship with the deceased, other than those referred to in paragraphs (2) to (4) and (6) to (9).
Power of Attorney ends at time of death. If there is no Will in place the person who comes next is identified - if there is a Will in place but the Executor/Executrix declines to act then the responsibility will pass to the next person in the order above. The Executor does not have the ability to appoint a new representative.
the first few hours:
deciding when to transfer the body
The urgency to transfer the body depends on where someone dies. Main reason: morgues.
Medical facilities will often have morgues on site, where community facilities or homes will not. Whether the death will be registered by the coroner or a medical professional will also impact how soon they can be transferred.
Unexpected Death:
You will need to call 9-1-1 to have a coroner attend and provide an assessment. The coroner will decide whether or not to keep custody of the body, if they do not feel the need then you will be asked to contact a funeral home to receive the body. The funeral home will dispatch right away and take anywhere from 1 to 4 hours to arrive (longer if there are extenuating circumstances).
Note: if the coroner has released the body to the designated representative, this is a slow down opportunity. Though it may be completely overwhelming, doing small things such as fixing a person’s hair or holding their hand until the staff arrive is OK.
Expected Death at Home:
With an expected death the caregiver will likely have been guided to complete an “Expected Death in the Home form”. These documents are valid for 3 months from signing, and mean that neither a coroner nor physician/nurse practitioner need to attend and confirm the death. The funeral home can be called any time to receive the body - some families take an extra two hours, some take an extra two days. It is all about preparation.
Note: this is a slow down opportunity, there is no legal requirement to transfer the body within X amount of hours so only call when you are ready. The funeral home will dispatch right away and take anywhere from 1 to 4 hours to arrive (longer if there are extenuating circumstances).
Long Term Care or Assisted Living:
Since most of these facilities are not connected to a hospital they typically will not have a morgue. The next of kin will be asked to contact a funeral home to come and receive the body at their earliest convenience.
Note: it may be possible that this is a slow down opportunity. Ask the staff at the facility what their protocols are for how quickly the body needs to be moved, some will permit several hours for the family to spend together. This may be less if it is a shared room or if they have policies against extended or group visits. This time can be used to bathe or dress them, take a lock of hair, kiss a forehead, hold a hand, sing a song. However you see fit.
Hospital Death:
When someone dies in hospital there is often an urgent need for their room to be used for another patient, and there is additional work that needs to be done by the administrators for the hospital prior to release. For these reasons the body will be transferred to the hospital morgue after death. Transfer to the funeral home or community directly from the ward is often possible but needs to be coordinated with the hospital staff and funeral home.
Note: even though the hospital may need the room right away, it is important to ask to slow down as needed. This will only happen once.
the first few days:
meeting with the funeral director & getting death certificates
Funeral homes are a multipurpose service - they help with everything from basic body care, logistics, and cremation all the way to assisting hundreds of guests for public services and events. In BC our funeral homes are entirely private industry, albeit highly regulated, which means that they are for-profit. Though many of us feel uncomfortable with the idea of a business making profit out of transactions with bereaved families, it is how the system has been created and it is the only one we have. There are no publicly funded or not-for-profit funeral homes in BC.
Funeral costs may be paid by the Ministry of Social Development and Poverty Reduction for individuals who qualify.
There is also a Canadian Pension Plan Death Benefit that qualifying individuals can apply for - note: it can take 6 to 12 weeks for funds to be received, payment to the funeral home will be required within the first few days.
Most funeral directors have come into their work honestly and out of a wish to serve their communities. Many of them are also business owners, community members, and have families of their own. If you have chosen a funeral home but do not feel comfortable, always reserve the right to take your business elsewhere. The funeral home has a duty to serve, and your community has a right to feel supported.
When you have your meeting it may happen by phone, video call, or in person at your home or in their office. These meetings can range from 30 minutes to 3 hours depending on the type of event that is being planned, and your relationship to the funeral director.
The elements of a funeral arrangement include:
Information Gathering:
Vital Statistics details for Death Registration, family history for the National Registry, employment information for the CPP Death Benefit/Survivor’s Benefit. The Vital Statistics information along with the Medical Certificate of Death (from the physician or coroner) will permit the funeral home to register the death and create death certificates. Death Certificates will take anywhere from two days to over a week to create depending on when the funeral home receives the information needed.
Decision-Making:
cremation or burial, open invitation funeral service or private family event, cemetery or scattering
Product Selection:
casket, urn, stationery, flowers, catering, portrait, the list goes on
Scheduling:
when and where is the service happening, is the family going to be present for the cremation, does the family need the urn back for a private gathering
The Body:
bathing, embalming, or neither, which clothes, body present at the service or not
Think of funeral directors like wedding planners. Whether you decide to have a small courthouse union or a multi-day event, they are there to make sure that the essential logistics are covered and that no details are missed.
the first few weeks:
planning the… funeral, wake, memorial, visitation, viewing, celebration of life, service of remembrance
If the body is going to be present at the service it is likely that you will have enlisted the support of the funeral director with your planning. They will make sure that the body transport is arranged according to the instructions provided by your family regarding care, cosmetics, and clothing. Most often all of the different costs (venue, catering, flowers, celebrant, musician, stationery) will have been included in the funeral contract and will be organized by the funeral director. This is why you will sometimes see funerals costing up to $10,000… There is usually a lot in there!
If you have decided to plan a ceremony or event as a community instead of using the funeral home’s services, there are many other supports that you can find who will be able to provide assistance. There are event planners who specialize in memorial events, celebrants who are experienced in ceremony planning, and venues who will provide guidance regarding group sizes, stationery printers, and flower shops. If you complete a quick search online you will find many virtual checklists to assist with your planning as well, many with no or little cost. Please be mindful that though the financial cost may be less there is still a lot of energy and time required to plan a memorial event. Discuss with your community and determine whether the benefits may outweigh potential costs when considering hiring an event planner or funeral home to look after the details.
If a large community ceremony is not what you are looking for, there are many other ways to honour a memory or acknowledge a life. Oftentimes relationships are complex, dynamics can be challenging, and many times death can exacerbate connections that were loose to begin with. Sometimes a funeral is simply someone lighting a candle, saying a name, and taking a few minutes to hold memories of a person who may have meant many different things to them.