Funeral Homes are (not) Evil
Alright OK, the funeral industry is full of crooks. They exploit the bereaved in times of grief and squeeze them like a grapefruit for estate dollars.
Let us allow that presumption, that the funeral homes are just out to get the highest revenue from each bereaved family possible.
Where do we go from there?
Choosing the simplest or lowest cost option isn’t “beating” the funeral industry or winning in this race to the bottom. The result is that our communities are not being served, and independent funeral businesses are not financially viable. More corporate funeral homes are taking over the entire industry. Service is becoming generic.
Let us see where this path leads. We research and choose the lowest cost funeral provider and go with them not knowing the difference, just knowing we don’t want to be taken advantage of. Then received the most basic service possible because that’s the only option that can be provided with the slimmest margins.
Everyone is happy?
What this situation fails to recognize is the fact that there is real, tangible, and valuable experiences provided in death services. Let’s be clear that one does not have to use a funeral home for this benefit, that’s just what a lot of us do.
Interaction with death through viewings, ritual, ceremony, hands on involvement by the family, it all provides a catharsis that is unique to the few days and weeks following a death. The community that ignores the potential of these experiences is one that denies humanity’s lengthy history of just such behaviour. There is something to it.
Denying the value of funeral services in favour of the lowest price tag is our communities cutting off their nose to spite their face.
What is missing
Trust needs to be reestablished in our death services providers. How can we do that? Here is a place to start:
Meet your local funeral director:
Call the funeral home that you think you’re the most likely to use, and ask to meet one of the funeral directors. You don’t even have to meet in person, just ask if you can talk to them for five or ten minutes on the phone. See how it makes you feel, do they seem down to earth? Trustworthy? Great.
If not? Try another funeral home. Keep doing that until you find one that you feel good talking to then ask for their price list and proceed to…Looking at how much things cost at the funeral home where this friendly director works.
Does it seem pricey? Ask them why. If they don’t give you a straight answer, move on.
In our culture we have decided that the funeral industry is an entirely private consumable service. This has pros and cons, one of the benefits is that you have the right to take your business anywhere you choose. If the company can’t stand behind their prices maybe they aren’t the one for you.*
Caveat: you probably don’t know how much these things should cost. How many of us know the price of cremation these days? How much does it cost to have staff available 24/7 to come pick up a dead body anywhere and anyhow? Acknowledge your own blind spots and be prepared to learn.Figure out what the funeral home can do for you, and what you want for your death services.
Regardless of price.
You read that right.
When we buy a car, price is something we consider. What else do we consider? Safety features? Does it come in red? How fast does it go?
When we are planning a wedding, do we shave all of the components of the ceremony to their essential elements and choose that? Of course some of us do, although there are many for whom the ceremony of the whole thing has meaning. That there is a ritual in the celebration of two people coming together. Baby showers. Birthdays. Anniversaries. Retirement. F*@$#ng gender reveal parties.Whether it’s green burial, witness cremation, memorial service, celebration of life, these words have meaning and costs will vary depending on what you choose. So choose first and then tweak things around to fit your budget.
Once you have an informed idea of your death plans.
Tell everyone. Seriously, tell everyone you know. Tell them about the friendly funeral director about how much things cost about what you learned in this whole process.
If we don’t start being curious (before we’re dead) and including our broader communities in death planning overall the trust will never be established. We will continue to direct-cremate until all that is left is urns on bookshelves and families left behind asking, “could it have been done differently?’
Answer: yes, it can be done very differently. Just ask us how.
*If you like their personality and their prices, just pay for your damn funeral. This will save your family or legal representative the bother of figuring out what you would have wanted and how to pay for it after you die.
What are the down sides of prepaying? Well-meaning financial advisors and lawyers will tell you that your $2,500 or $5,000 investment would do better in a high interest account.
Maybe that is true, but can you answer me this: how much are funerals going to cost when you inevitably die? Do you know? Chances are they’re going to cost more than they do now because that’s the plain truth of inflation (and supply and demand, boomers). What is your family not having to make these decisions worth to you, in dollars? Give it serious thought before making a decision on this front.